I missed a few days, but that's all right. This thing is really just for me, isn't it?
At work, I was offered a new position. It was a move down on the pay scale, and that's just fine with me. I hate where I am that much. Yes, that much. It wasn't much of a cut anyway. Twenty cents. No big deal since I recently received a raise in November.
So I'll start this new position in a couple of weeks and I cannot wait. No more doing what I do! Maybe my creativity will come back. I can tell you that the women I'll be working directly under won't like it. They have a thing against giving their minions a last break. You can bet your buttons that I'll be getting my last break.
I'm actively researching faiths. Right now it's Wicca, since I was into that before. It's refreshing and a little nervewracking to be looking into this again. I was the best person I could be when I was Wiccan without being held down by fear. It was freeing and full of love and light. That's what faith should be.
The biggest hindrance is finding an active forum upon which to speak to like-minded people. I could try Y!chats, but ... those are more often filled with people who want to be this or that for the wow factor, you know? Anyone who's been on Y!chats knows. And only too well.
I thought I'd put in a little update. So there it is. Good night, Moon.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Day 19 and I didn't do it yesterday
So I realized around 1pm that I forgot to blog. I wasn't about to drag myself up and write because I was so exhausted after working so hard the night before. Last night was a little better since I didn't have to drag ten times my weight or more around all of creation.
I get inspired by the strangest things sometimes. A passage in a book, a ripple in a lake, even a sudden thunderstorm. I'd really like a thunderstorm about now, but it's too cold for thunder and lightning. It sucks. I want spring to come to have those huge storms that make the creative juices just course through everything like shimmering gold wires. It's exhilarating.
I was greatly inspired by Inkheart. Not so much by City of Bones that I'm reading right now. Almost done with it, too. I picked up Sweep to read after it. It's about magic and witches and something akin to modern Wicca. I'm trying not to set the bar too high, being Wiccan myself. I know how easy it is to make those books seem really over-the-top.
Anyway. Inkheart. I know my current project is something I'd like to write, but then I think about my origins of that desire. Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, Margaret Weis and Tracey Hickman's Dragonlance trilogy (which later had another one added on). Interview with the Vampire, the Vampire Lestat ... Dragons of - Autumn Twilight, Winter Night, Spring Dawning and later, Summer Flame. The book that I have line up has none of those things in it. No vampires (which is the current fad -- STILL), elves, dwarves, mages, knights, kings and queens, epic battles. Where is all of that? Where did it all go to?
Maybe I need to set aside Sweep and read up on those long-lost inspirations. Re-read the Vampire Chronicles that I own and purchase those I don't. Read that trilogy since I recently got them at a library book sale. My annotated chronicles, all three in a collector's edition cover, was destroyed. Not on purpose, so I'm not really angry about it.
I forgot my headphones downstairs. Damn.
All this planning... I need to write and write and then plan out the things behind the writing. That seems to work better for me. I can't just sit and plan it out or I'll get so enmeshed in the background that I won't want to write the story. It starts to sound boring. I have my husband upon whom I might bounce ideas but ... I don't know. I trust his opinion and I know he'll tell me if something doesn't work, but his personality is reserved when it comes to that kind of thing simply because I can get rather defensive. And I know I do. I just don't really know how to graciously accept criticism. But I have no idea where I'd get a writing buddy or whatever. A girl with the same interests as me. A girl that can be so brutally honest and shoot me down when I try to defend what I did and why I did it that way.
So I'm going to try that. When I first started writing, way back in 5th grade, I never planned anything and I wrote an entire trilogy a la RL Stine's Fear Street novels. Not the greatest thing, but I thought it was the best! The most important thing was that I finished it. And I haven't finished anything since. I've taken English classes and Creative Writing classes and that inner critic woke up and hasn't slept since the school bell first toned for Grammar.
How do I shut her up? How do I tell her that I don't want her around right now, that I want to just write and I'll come to her when I'm damned good and ready? It's not that easy for me. Not when everything was great and good and just the same as everyone else's?
What do I do? I'm not really sure. I just don't know.
SHUT UP, CRITIC. I DON'T NEED YOU RIGHT NOW. Let my creative juices flow like a squeezed tomato. Let them gush out in erratic patterns so the bowl of my mind can pick them up and swirl them into something delicious by adding the spice of dialogue!
I get inspired by the strangest things sometimes. A passage in a book, a ripple in a lake, even a sudden thunderstorm. I'd really like a thunderstorm about now, but it's too cold for thunder and lightning. It sucks. I want spring to come to have those huge storms that make the creative juices just course through everything like shimmering gold wires. It's exhilarating.
I was greatly inspired by Inkheart. Not so much by City of Bones that I'm reading right now. Almost done with it, too. I picked up Sweep to read after it. It's about magic and witches and something akin to modern Wicca. I'm trying not to set the bar too high, being Wiccan myself. I know how easy it is to make those books seem really over-the-top.
Anyway. Inkheart. I know my current project is something I'd like to write, but then I think about my origins of that desire. Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, Margaret Weis and Tracey Hickman's Dragonlance trilogy (which later had another one added on). Interview with the Vampire, the Vampire Lestat ... Dragons of - Autumn Twilight, Winter Night, Spring Dawning and later, Summer Flame. The book that I have line up has none of those things in it. No vampires (which is the current fad -- STILL), elves, dwarves, mages, knights, kings and queens, epic battles. Where is all of that? Where did it all go to?
Maybe I need to set aside Sweep and read up on those long-lost inspirations. Re-read the Vampire Chronicles that I own and purchase those I don't. Read that trilogy since I recently got them at a library book sale. My annotated chronicles, all three in a collector's edition cover, was destroyed. Not on purpose, so I'm not really angry about it.
I forgot my headphones downstairs. Damn.
All this planning... I need to write and write and then plan out the things behind the writing. That seems to work better for me. I can't just sit and plan it out or I'll get so enmeshed in the background that I won't want to write the story. It starts to sound boring. I have my husband upon whom I might bounce ideas but ... I don't know. I trust his opinion and I know he'll tell me if something doesn't work, but his personality is reserved when it comes to that kind of thing simply because I can get rather defensive. And I know I do. I just don't really know how to graciously accept criticism. But I have no idea where I'd get a writing buddy or whatever. A girl with the same interests as me. A girl that can be so brutally honest and shoot me down when I try to defend what I did and why I did it that way.
So I'm going to try that. When I first started writing, way back in 5th grade, I never planned anything and I wrote an entire trilogy a la RL Stine's Fear Street novels. Not the greatest thing, but I thought it was the best! The most important thing was that I finished it. And I haven't finished anything since. I've taken English classes and Creative Writing classes and that inner critic woke up and hasn't slept since the school bell first toned for Grammar.
How do I shut her up? How do I tell her that I don't want her around right now, that I want to just write and I'll come to her when I'm damned good and ready? It's not that easy for me. Not when everything was great and good and just the same as everyone else's?
What do I do? I'm not really sure. I just don't know.
SHUT UP, CRITIC. I DON'T NEED YOU RIGHT NOW. Let my creative juices flow like a squeezed tomato. Let them gush out in erratic patterns so the bowl of my mind can pick them up and swirl them into something delicious by adding the spice of dialogue!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Day 17 and I finished another book
A book that I'm reading, that is. Inkheart is done. Now I have to pick up the next one. Inkspell. The ending was totally different from the movie! Not sure which one I like better yet. I have to read the other two before I can decide. I know she makes it very difficult to like Dustfinger in the book. VERY difficult.
Am I being presumptuous in calling myself a practicing novelist? Sometimes I think so. But I guess it puts into perspective that this really is achievable. I just have to leave my current job before it kills me.
I think another part of it is that it's hard for me to accept praise. I thrive on it, thirst for it, want it more than even constructive criticism (which I know it's good for me in the slightest), but at the same time ... it's hard for me to accept it as truth.
Being a child of the 1980s, I was raised with positivity. Positivity to a fault. Everything was good even when it was hideously bad. Anything I did was just as good as that of my brother and sister, even if I thought what they did was strictly awful. So, raised on that, how am I to come to terms that people may genuinely like what I've done?
And how do I accept a compliment, anyway? If someone compliments my shirt, I tell them where I bought it and everything. My hair, I tell them what shampoo or hair products I used. What about writing? Do I tell them where I went to 7th grade? That's where I really got the urge to become a writer. Thanks to my teacher. Because she was an English teacher, I guess she had to tell the truth. She wasn't a friend, so she didn't feel ... like she HAD to like what I did. But she said I have promise and dialogue was my strongest point.
So now it's time for bed. I'm reading the Various now.
I am a practicing novelist. And my time to be amazing is now.
Am I being presumptuous in calling myself a practicing novelist? Sometimes I think so. But I guess it puts into perspective that this really is achievable. I just have to leave my current job before it kills me.
I think another part of it is that it's hard for me to accept praise. I thrive on it, thirst for it, want it more than even constructive criticism (which I know it's good for me in the slightest), but at the same time ... it's hard for me to accept it as truth.
Being a child of the 1980s, I was raised with positivity. Positivity to a fault. Everything was good even when it was hideously bad. Anything I did was just as good as that of my brother and sister, even if I thought what they did was strictly awful. So, raised on that, how am I to come to terms that people may genuinely like what I've done?
And how do I accept a compliment, anyway? If someone compliments my shirt, I tell them where I bought it and everything. My hair, I tell them what shampoo or hair products I used. What about writing? Do I tell them where I went to 7th grade? That's where I really got the urge to become a writer. Thanks to my teacher. Because she was an English teacher, I guess she had to tell the truth. She wasn't a friend, so she didn't feel ... like she HAD to like what I did. But she said I have promise and dialogue was my strongest point.
So now it's time for bed. I'm reading the Various now.
I am a practicing novelist. And my time to be amazing is now.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Day 16 means crepes
I used pre-made crepes but made the strawberry sauce myself. I also mixed marscapone cheese and cream cheese together for the filling and put fresh strawberries on top of it before rolling it up. I ate three. I'm going to fall into a sugar coma in a minute or two.
Other than that, everything is pretty normal. It's overcast which makes sleeping easier. I won't need to put anything over my eyes today! I just have to work until Tuesday morning, then I'm off for a couple of days before it starts all over again. I'm only working there for the dental insurance. Once that's done, I'm looking for another job.
Cheez-It party mix is awesome, by the way. If you haven't tried it, I'd highly suggest you did!
Fuzzy pajama pants are like clouds. Fluffy, airy clouds that you wear on your legs. It makes walking easier. Though it's making me really tired. Not to mention my husband nuzzling my face and kissing my cheeks. So tired.
I know it's a short one, but I need to go to sleep. It feels like it's 1pm! But it's only ten in the morning. I've been reading Inkheart and it's actually really good. I like it better that the movie. Capricorn in the book is very pale with fair hair. In the movie, he's played by Mr Bean, I think. Totally not the same. Also, Mo is very well-spoken, and Brenden Frazier didn't do a great job with that part. But the Mo in the book wouldn't make good American film.
Good night, Moon. I hope I find my faith.
Other than that, everything is pretty normal. It's overcast which makes sleeping easier. I won't need to put anything over my eyes today! I just have to work until Tuesday morning, then I'm off for a couple of days before it starts all over again. I'm only working there for the dental insurance. Once that's done, I'm looking for another job.
Cheez-It party mix is awesome, by the way. If you haven't tried it, I'd highly suggest you did!
Fuzzy pajama pants are like clouds. Fluffy, airy clouds that you wear on your legs. It makes walking easier. Though it's making me really tired. Not to mention my husband nuzzling my face and kissing my cheeks. So tired.
I know it's a short one, but I need to go to sleep. It feels like it's 1pm! But it's only ten in the morning. I've been reading Inkheart and it's actually really good. I like it better that the movie. Capricorn in the book is very pale with fair hair. In the movie, he's played by Mr Bean, I think. Totally not the same. Also, Mo is very well-spoken, and Brenden Frazier didn't do a great job with that part. But the Mo in the book wouldn't make good American film.
Good night, Moon. I hope I find my faith.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Day 15 and I'm doing stuff
I designed another two characters for my novel. One is a girl and one is a boy. They're both coming along nicely, though it's a sketch with a blurb and the boy is a half-done sketch.
Dinner was pretty blech. Chinese food that ended up being rather gross. I don't think I'll be ordering from there anymore. I'll just get it from the other place from now on. At least they give me white rice and their sweet and sour doesn't have pineapple, onions and peppers in it. Not to mention the sauce is actually edible and the egg drop soup isn't radioactive orange.
Inkheart is going slowly. I'm not racing through it like Percy Jackson because there isn't as much action or dialogue.
Did I ever say that I hate Judith from Two and a Half Men? I can't stand that character and I don't see how the creators can see how she makes the show better. I mean ... Getting alimony and child support PLUS footing Alan with the bill for expensive shoes, class trips and HER AAA car insurance. That just makes me want to turn the television off.
I'm going to go work on my confidence a little. It's daunting to actually use the journal. I bought it the other day and still haven't started it, afraid of what people would think if they read it. Isn't that stupid? A thing about being confident and I'm not confident enough to use the journal. It's like I'm afraid to be strong.
I guess we'll see.
Dinner was pretty blech. Chinese food that ended up being rather gross. I don't think I'll be ordering from there anymore. I'll just get it from the other place from now on. At least they give me white rice and their sweet and sour doesn't have pineapple, onions and peppers in it. Not to mention the sauce is actually edible and the egg drop soup isn't radioactive orange.
Inkheart is going slowly. I'm not racing through it like Percy Jackson because there isn't as much action or dialogue.
Did I ever say that I hate Judith from Two and a Half Men? I can't stand that character and I don't see how the creators can see how she makes the show better. I mean ... Getting alimony and child support PLUS footing Alan with the bill for expensive shoes, class trips and HER AAA car insurance. That just makes me want to turn the television off.
I'm going to go work on my confidence a little. It's daunting to actually use the journal. I bought it the other day and still haven't started it, afraid of what people would think if they read it. Isn't that stupid? A thing about being confident and I'm not confident enough to use the journal. It's like I'm afraid to be strong.
I guess we'll see.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Day 14 again
Since I missed yesterday, I'm posting again. But I have to go to bed since we stayed up way too late running errands.
Finished Percy Jackson. The Last Olympian. It was a really nice climax, but I guessed the ending. I don't know if I would've been able to resist the immortality thing if I wasn't with my husband. It's a double-edged sword, isn't it? Serving the Greek Gods and yet ... everyone you love dies. An endless pain.
My mom said I should be an herbalist. But that doesn't really have much to do with faith. Holistic, metaphysical.. all those things about herbs are easy to learn and memorize. But I really want an unshakable faith. That's the hard part.
Finished Percy Jackson. The Last Olympian. It was a really nice climax, but I guessed the ending. I don't know if I would've been able to resist the immortality thing if I wasn't with my husband. It's a double-edged sword, isn't it? Serving the Greek Gods and yet ... everyone you love dies. An endless pain.
My mom said I should be an herbalist. But that doesn't really have much to do with faith. Holistic, metaphysical.. all those things about herbs are easy to learn and memorize. But I really want an unshakable faith. That's the hard part.
Day 14 and I missed one
I'm so disappointed in myself! I missed a day because I went to sleep and didn't get up from when I set the alarm. Darnit!!
Well. So here I am and I'll crunch a bunch of stuff in here before I post.
I bought the last 2 books of the Percy Jackson series. I'm on the fifth and final book of the series. I'm kind of sad to see it go, but I also got Inkheart. The movie was great and I wanted to see how different the book is from the film.
We went to the dentist and then to a little bakery catty-cornered to the dentist's office. Great Harvest Bakery. I got some soup mix and some Virginia Savory bread. It smells delicious. I'll probably put it into the oven for a bit before eating it so get it warm and melty with the butter stuff on top.
I got a book about confidence. Even though I blog, I don't have a lot of confidence. There's a certain amount of anonymity in blogging that protects the person behind it, even from the people they know. Sometimes. It's ... actually pretty helpful, even though I don't normally look at self-help books.
I've started calling myself a novelist. It kind of makes the dream seem more real. Calling myself anything else would diminish it. But telling people I'm a novelist makes it seem like it can really happen. So I'm trying to psych myself up for it. It's working so far.
Cornish hens to go with the soup. Mushroom and Wild Rice soup and herb-crusted cornish hens. It smells so good right now and I'm excited to eat them with the savory bread. I think I'll make the rolls instead of the loaf I bought.
I'm on facebook, though you won't find me under Goldie. I play Restaurant City, Castle Age and Kingdoms of Camelot more often. I play Farmville, Country Story, some other farm games... It gets a little tedious, but I admit that RC is my favorite one out of all of them.
I can't really think of anything else to write about, but I'll blog again today to make up for missing yesterday. Gosh, that irritates me. Oh well.
Well. So here I am and I'll crunch a bunch of stuff in here before I post.
I bought the last 2 books of the Percy Jackson series. I'm on the fifth and final book of the series. I'm kind of sad to see it go, but I also got Inkheart. The movie was great and I wanted to see how different the book is from the film.
We went to the dentist and then to a little bakery catty-cornered to the dentist's office. Great Harvest Bakery. I got some soup mix and some Virginia Savory bread. It smells delicious. I'll probably put it into the oven for a bit before eating it so get it warm and melty with the butter stuff on top.
I got a book about confidence. Even though I blog, I don't have a lot of confidence. There's a certain amount of anonymity in blogging that protects the person behind it, even from the people they know. Sometimes. It's ... actually pretty helpful, even though I don't normally look at self-help books.
I've started calling myself a novelist. It kind of makes the dream seem more real. Calling myself anything else would diminish it. But telling people I'm a novelist makes it seem like it can really happen. So I'm trying to psych myself up for it. It's working so far.
Cornish hens to go with the soup. Mushroom and Wild Rice soup and herb-crusted cornish hens. It smells so good right now and I'm excited to eat them with the savory bread. I think I'll make the rolls instead of the loaf I bought.
I'm on facebook, though you won't find me under Goldie. I play Restaurant City, Castle Age and Kingdoms of Camelot more often. I play Farmville, Country Story, some other farm games... It gets a little tedious, but I admit that RC is my favorite one out of all of them.
I can't really think of anything else to write about, but I'll blog again today to make up for missing yesterday. Gosh, that irritates me. Oh well.
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