Day seven -- is this getting old yet?

So I pigged out on Ramen, made some concoction with chicken and rice and cream of mushroom soup. Guzzled about a gallon of coffee and paid the rent. One of these things is not like the other. I hate paying rent. Hate it. The money just kind of goes no where, doesn't it?

And now ... it's nearing bedtime. A shower felt good and hot since there's about four inches of snow on the ground. It's powdery and we walked through it a few times to pay the rent. There and back again (to get a pen) and there and back again. Then my husband, William, went out to walk the dog. Tiring, right?

Holed up in the bedroom, it's getting more and more comfortable. I almost forgot to do this, but I wanted to see how long I could keep up with this blog thing. I've started quite a lot of them. LiveJournal was my first, then Wordpress and Blogger before you could use your gmail thing to log in. I've lost track of how many I've started. They've all been pretty much just ... my random thought processes. But I guess that that's what journalling is. Writing down your thoughts as they come. The biggest difference is that blogs are online journals that everyone can see.

I don't know how many people actually write out their deepest dreams on here.

What's my dream? There are a few. But right now, I'm at a loss.

I don't have stellar talent with drawing or writing, no matter how much I wish for both (or either one at this point). As I get closer to thirty, I wonder if I'll be either one. A novelist or an artist. Both would, theoretically, mean I'd have to go back to school. English or art. But I'm not a fan of drawing what everyone else tells me to do. And the world isn't kind to Americans who do their best to draw in anime/manga style. Which is okay, really. Only not really.

Since the influx of anime and manga over on this side of the ocean, a lot of artists (the snooty kind) frown upon anyone that isn't Asian and tries to draw in that style. To me, art is art. Even if it means a guy can get famous drawing naked women straddling giant reptiles. Hello, Vallejo. My name is Goldie. You're a great artist, but the content leaves a lot to be desired in my social circle of one. Thanks, man.

As it is, I mostly draw random character designs of people I'll never do anything with. I don't really draw fanart. Why? Well, it's mostly because I can't really do anything with it. Though I suppose drawing fanart of different anime would help me find my own style, I just end up emulating it almost completely.

I guess I'll find out where I belong sometime. Hopefully while I'm still functioning enough to enjoy it, to be honest.

Reading fills me with a sense of wonder. This thing came out of one person's imagination. It was honed by the editors and appreciated by the readers. Will I ever do something like that? I want to make something where the characters will be remembered, even if I'm not. I'd rather they live on than myself. After all, they can go in for the long haul, since they're somewhat immortal and I'm ... not.

Is it an impossible dream? Like the X-Men statue with Gambit and Rogue kissing. Will I make it through the Forest of Indecision and come out the other side with an idea of what it is I'm going to do? I can only hope so.

But to hone my writing capabilities, I actually need to write. Even if I think it's total crap, it might be good to someone else. Look at Twilight. I think it's total crap, but a lot of people believe it's very good. Haunting even. Me? I could live without Edward the Teenage Stalker and Bella the Suicidal Tramp. But you know. I'm not 78% of the teenage population.

So I'll end it here for now. Day Seven is looking somewhat bright. I don't have to be at work tonight until 11p. And it's still snowing. My mother-in-law is badgering us to get another battery for our car. Hers is a convertible, so not really made to drive in the snow.

What she doesn't know is that our little Vibe doesn't have a heater. I'm not really all that excited to sit outside, smoking a cigarette, in a car without heat.

As an aside, I think it's silly that all these places are making it illegal to smoke indoors. I even thought that way when I was a non-smoker. If I owned a place and the government told me I can or can't do something? Let's just say that I'd be sending them my property tax bill as well as any mortgage I might have on my building.

Take that, Uncle Sam.

Ah well. 2010, let's see if we can't work together to make this a wonderful year for us both.